FASHION AND ECOLOGY DO NOT MIX
by Whit Gibbons
June 24, 2012
On a recent visit to the mall, I noticed that jeans with holes in them must still be in fashion among adolescents. This reminded me of a column I wrote years ago about Tom Cruise, blue jeans, and ecology. As summer gets into full swing, I thought the column, which is a bit less weighty than some, would bear repeating.
I have seen Tom Cruise on interview shows wearing blue jeans with a big hole in the knee. Now we all know that a Hollywood movie star of his stature can afford a new pair of jeans, so clearly the hole in the knee is a fashion statement. Young people are also fans of holey jeans but I can assure you that not many professional ecologists wear such garb, at least not in the field. Though I myself am fond of old, faded-and-patched jeans, the ones I wear do not have holes in the knees. Not anymore.
One summer day, I went on a field trip to look for aquatic turtles with Vincent Burke, a University of Georgia graduate student. As we left the house, I grabbed a pair of blue jeans, field shoes, and a T-shirt and hurriedly began putting them on as we rode along. The process went even faster after Vincent suggested that he drive. Field ecologists rely on blue jeans to protect them from a lot of biting, stinging, thorny things. As I put this old and worn pair on, I ripped a huge hole in the right knee, just below an earlier patch. How fashionable, I thought. I will look good in the field, like Tom Cruise. I asked Vincent if he had brought a camera.
I may have looked good (although possibly not as good as Tom Cruise), but I would soon feel awful. I got my first inkling that fashion and ecology do not go hand in hand as we made our way from the truck to pond. We walked through a patch of blackberry bushes about the size of Vermont. Blackberries are the silver lining of a very black cloud known as blackberry briars. By the time I reached the water, my right knee looked like an angry bobcat had used it as a scratching post.
Well, I thought, once I start wading around, my knee won't feel so bad. This was momentarily true when we reached an area of knee-deep water. Then I discovered a second hazard of a good-looking tear at the knee: a small insect known as a backswimmer. Backswimmers defend themselves by jabbing their mouthparts into the body of anything they consider a threat. They are not venomous and won't hurt you at all unless you provoke them. But their "bite" hurts like a bee sting for a minute or so.
Blue jeans, socks, and shoes generally confer protection from backswimmers, which only bite people when they are pressed against a person's body and cannot escape. Do you think a big hole in a pair of blue jeans would let in a half-inch-long backswimmer? Yes, quite a few. One after another ended up inside my pants leg, pressed tightly against my right leg. Being squeezed between denim and tender flesh provoked them, and each proceeded to protect itself. The experience was not enjoyable. (Tom Cruise always seems quite comfortable in knee-torn blue jeans when being interviewed. But then I have never seen him interviewed while he was standing in water infested with backswimmers.)
Upon leaving the water, I encountered a low-lying branch that aimed right for my Achilles knee. Later, a horsefly decided my exposed knee was the most delectable eating spot in the county. The final blow came when I knelt down to observe a hole in the sand dug by a lizard. Sure enough, the only sharp-edged rock within a hundred yards was lying right where I put my knee.
I plan to discard this fashionable pair of blue jeans. If Tom Cruise needs another pair, he's welcome to them.
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